Sleeping here was not his first choice. Hell, it wasn’t even on the list of options as far as he was concerned. Except apparently his opinions didn’t count for squat today, or tomorrow, or for the rest of this ridiculous week.
Staring at the chaotic mess, Ed grunted when behind him Havoc cleared his throat. “Uh… you may wanna see if he’s got a clean room as opposed to a guest room,” the second lieutenant suggested sheepishly.
“What the hell is this?” Gesturing at the discarded shirts, dropped gloves, wrinkled pants–those had better be clean–Ed turned to look up at the taller man. “I’m sleeping at your place.”
Instead of sympathizing, Havoc shook his head. “I’ve seen what you do when you’re bored. Not a chance, boss.”
Ed rolled his eyes. “That was once.”
Over by the sofa, the colonel bastard spoke up. “Four times, actually. And for some reason, you always choose the socks.”
“Hey!” Rounding on his pain-in-the-ass superior, Ed pointed a metal finger at Mustang. “What I use in my experiments is my own business.” It wasn’t his fault the army issued everyone a predetermined amount of pairs, he just ended up with more spares than most.
Leaning back against the over-stuffed arm, Mustang raised a single brow. “It is my business if you get distracted.”
“WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE WOULD GET LOST IN THE FIBERS OF A COTTON SOCK?!”
Havoc started to laugh.
Shaking his head, Mustang pushed off from his perch and waved a languid hand. “Get out of the doorway, Fullmetal. I’ll show you to your room.”
Bloody smug bastard probably has rats. Setting his jaw, Ed followed the man deeper into the townhouse. Or ants. Or…
By the bed, Mustang was rubbing the back of his head with a gloved hand, his back to the blonds. “Huh.”
Brows twitching, Ed stood his ground. “I am not sleeping in that bed!”
“I was sure she took everything with her this morning.”
A low whistle declared Havoc’s opinion. “I like the purple lace.”
Pivoting, Ed shoved his way past the snickering blond and stalked back towards the living room. He would deal with Mustang’s clothing on any day of the week rather than some woman’s under things.
… Wait. He did not just think he preferred Mustang’s short sleeves to a woman’s bra, did he? “Aaaauurrggh!” Bastard! “You better have a room that doesn’t have dirty laundry in it,” he called back down the hall, “or else I’m getting Hawkeye over here and you can explain to her why I’m contracting diseases I shouldn’t be!”
“Wouldn’t be that hard to imagine some of the illnesses if you actually entertained, Fullmetal,” Mustang’s disembodied voice drawled back.
Ed stilled. “And that the hell does that mean, bastard?”
Somewhere behind him, Havoc choked.
In the end, Ed had to threaten to deconstruct the bastard’s scattered wardrobe into their base components before Mustang got off his ass and turned out a clean room; however, there was one glaringly obvious issue with it…
Arms crossed, automail foot tapping, Ed surveyed the problem and scowled. “Only if I get to alchemize a lock to go over—“
“A bar then.”
“… Pit trap.”
“My home, Fullmetal, not your playground.” Lifting his lip, Ed glared. The colonel bastard had a point; but Ed didn’t need to let him know that. “If you really have an issue with sharing a bathroom, you can always go back to the first room.”
Over by the admittedly clean toilet, Havoc whistled again. “Uh, hey colonel… Where do you get these?” He held up a glossy magazine.
Ed only saw a glimpse of red leather, steel boning, and leather straps before Mustang was striding forward, blocking his view.
“Oh those? The corner shop near Castial’s Ammo.”
There was a pause in the flipping pages. “Isn’t that where Hawkeye…”
Deciding probable deniability was paramount when it came to the female guns expert, Ed made his way back to the hall where he had left his suitcase.
Honestly, the room would be fine. It was larger, had an empty set of drawers, and a small desk with a decent chair. True, there was more dust, but that was fine considering the alternatives and cleaning would be easy considering his skills. An additional perk was the large window that overlooked the garden. Perfect for sneaking out.
Still… he was not looking forward to sharing accommodations with the bastard at all, especially since it meant they would be sleeping on either side of the same wall. He knew Mustang brought home dates, but Ed wasn’t looking forward to being an unwilling voyeur.
And besides what he might hear from Mustang’s side, there was also what the bastard might hear from his. Ed still had nightmares to deal with. While on the road, where he didn’t have the luxury of privacy, he didn’t mind being shaken awake, by a concerned nun or an overly-friendly pig, it didn’t matter as long as he woke up. Just because others had done that for him, did not mean he was comfortable with the colonel doing the same thing.
The man had already seen enough of his vulnerabilities.
And already taken advantage of most of them.
A/N: This is kind of just to prove I can write more than just Naruto
porn stories. At some point, I’ll figure out what to do with this beginning. For now, don’t expect much.
This is my second go at another drabble set (prompts: socks, underwear, bustier, wimple).